i love the sounds your body makes, the sound of your heartbeat drumming in my ear, the sound of your breath blending into mine, your clumsy kisses coming from your candy-coated lips, your laugh so lively and lighthearted as it lifts us up and down, your small snores when you’re sleeping. i hope all your dreams are as sweet as you are to me.
I miss you so much. I wish that you could understand how much I do. I wish that I could go back in time to a few months ago and understand what you were feeling. I wish that I could still tell you I love you even though I’ll probably take a lot of convincing that men aren’t all the same now. Sometimes I blame myself. Sometimes I blame you.
8.5 months ago you were talking about marrying me and buying a house. I love you so much. Then you found out I was pregnant. Everything has changed.
I wish I could tell you how horrible youve made me feel and one sided. I wish that you loved me still and wanted to be with me. Sometimes I wake up and Im okay with you not loving me, others I cry. Lately it seems I dont care anymore because when you hug me I feel disgusted and like it’s forced. I try to avoid you, Im sorry. There’s a bruise that has rooted itself so deep in my ribs that it hurt to breathe for a week.
Im sorry when you try to get in my bed to sleep I just want you out. You don’t understand what it’s like for me. You’re in my hair, my sheets, my lungs. Your DNA is combined with mine to give our daughter life. The only place I have that’s safe from you is my head.
Even then I hear your voice, I hear you everywhere in my head. The past 8.5 months playing out. I still miss you.
I love you forever, my heart will miss you forever. I don’t know how after you loved me for almost 3 years you just suddenly decide you don’t anymore.
I wanted to talk but you stopped talking.
You just stopped communicating anything. You started talking to everyone but me. It hurt.
I begged you to come back. To help me understand. Im still waiting. Our visits are civil but they’re very short lived. I miss you. I long for your lips to kiss my face again and your working hands to wipe my eyes. I want to be wrapped up with you again. Sometimes calling you babe slips from my lips, Im sorry. It’s habit. Im still in love you know?
I want to tell you Im sorry but I already have. I have tried. I have cried. I have done so much for you in 3 years. But this time, I cant let you get the best of me. I cant let you keep being affectionate with me when you don’t love me anymore.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
I don’t know this stranger I talk to anymore. Please come back to me. Please, please don’t let me love someone else. I don’t want someone else to love you the way I do. I love you.
